he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
