Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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