Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
