another moral hangover. fuck.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize