my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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