i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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