you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
