He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
So squirting runs in the family.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
