he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
