So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
