i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
