Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
