Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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