Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
