I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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