lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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