ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
