Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
