you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
