and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
