Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
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