I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
