he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
