physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
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