Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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