First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
