So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
