Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
