dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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