Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
My ass is underappreciated
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
