I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
