Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
