did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
