The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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