my sisters under your porch take her home
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
