I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He called his prostate his "boner button".
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
