Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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