ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
