thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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