I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize