No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
