I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
