Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
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