Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
wanna go halves on a baby?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
