I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
