Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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