Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
