I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Randomize
