If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
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