I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Did I show you my penis last night?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
