True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
