happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
