Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
