matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
