I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
