Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
