took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
