Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
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