But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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