with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
