I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
