and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
