oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
