we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
How external is "for external use only"?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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