were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize