My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
