you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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