Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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