can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
