Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
