It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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