I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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