Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
