Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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