508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
